Amitié

"To hurt is as human as to breathe."-J.K Rowling

In order to learn and adapt children group things and people. They cling to those they love and feel safe around and renounce those who invoke the opposite reaction. It seems to be an innate response, to seek comfort in those around us.

Choosing friends in our childhood was a less complex venture. The criteria needed only to be something as simple as proximity and or a need to play. Some relationships blossomed and some of them fell by the wayside as an inevitable product of changing minds and the passage of time.

Psychology considers those who socialize and maintain healthy relationships to be the mentally stable ones among us. Provided the attractions we have to others are consensual and reciprocated. To many of us, the world seems like such a vast place and come to the realization that each passerby has a life as vivid as our own.

One filled with hopes, and aspirations, pain, loss, accomplishments, failures, all the things that we as humans should also feel. That is the only fuel some need to seek out the like minded while in others it heightens a persistent fear of being out of place. The things that make us human are the things that bond us.

"No man is an island" they say and it helps to keep that in mind. Friendships have the power to make or break you. Like many things around us, friendships cannot just be.

The grass is only greener where seeds are planted, watered, nurtured and cared for. Friends who offer support, challenge us mentally, make investments in us, encourage us to leave our comfort zone, help us find love, teach us how to forgive and how to cope are the people that are hard to find and least cherished.

They are only so because we love to have people in our lives that are all those things to us, but how often are we those things for other people?

I must admit in most situations it takes almost no time for me to give a good rejoinder and I have learned that my words can be eviscerating. It is so easy to be unkind and to forget the good things people do for us. Yet, the few times that individuals cause us pain are the times reiterated constantly.

This is not to say that we should not be vigilant of those who abuse us in any form. That must not be tolerated but when a mistake is made it should hurt less to forgive. Yes, I would love to believe that we all have good intentions.

It would bring me great joy to forget that our minds and interests are fickle and consciences duplicitous, however, there are those that are constant reminders of this fact.

Guess what though, it is okay to move on from people. It is okay if you no longer share the same interests or goals. The fear of loneliness is not a legitimate excuse to keep people around.

Pity friendships drain you more than a backstreet beat down. Sometimes we fail to give ourselves permission to move on, we pretend not to know that we have already seen the signs. Changing your life can change the people around you. Sometimes the shift is minuscule and in other cases cataclysmic.

Sometimes our friends need us to stay the same so that they are assured that their position in our lives are not threatened or so that they remain consoled by the fact that your role in their life won't change.

Healthy friendships should evolve and if it seems that making yourself a better person causes bitterness and controversy then that's your passport to leave. That is the definition of toxicity and who has the time?

Some people surround themselves with those who are broken, covertly belittling them, intent on ensuring their wounds do not heal. Some use us whether we know it or not. Some hate when their "friend's" talents and strengths are acknowledged and do everything in their power to steal the spotlight when they are not in focus. Some play the victim for years and are happy when those around them defend their miserable existence and encourage them in their wrongs.

Some need you to always be wrong. Others are negativity addicts and cannot see a world without it. There is a strong likelihood that we all know someone like this or we are someone like this.

Either way, psychologists are available and so are my blog posts on self improvement. # Subscribe.

In all seriousness, a mind is a terrible thing to loose and it should be fiercely protected. The great thing about choice is that it belongs to you. You can always seek new friends and you can choose to let the ones you have know of their value in your life.

The quickest way to loose a friend is to never appreciate them. I understand that there are still those among us with social anxieties. Rejection is a real thing and it hurts when encountered, but what does it profit a man to amass more anxieties than reliable friends?

All food for thought, Until next time. Des bisous.