“A self is not something static, tied up in a pretty parcel and handed to the child, finished and complete. A self is always becoming.” ― Madeleine L'Engle
In almost every dating scenario, at least one person will be guilty of the "I want to get to know you more" statement.
Sir/Madam I promise I will leave you exhausted, because same! I too would like to get to know me more.
Learning about people is an interminable process. It requires 5 cups of patience and 15 tbsp. of altruism. The more you learn is the less you know. Everyone has their own perceptions and troubling thoughts both about themselves and about the world they live in.
While those thoughts we have are more often than not plain black and white, people are anything but that.
Human beings are not, nor have they ever been two dimensional. Think about the non-pathologic personality types...
(click here to find out about your own. https://www.16personalities.com/personality-types, I’m an INTJ-A if you were wondering.)
There is so much that makes you who you are. Lemme take you somewhere for a second.
Pause, Picture a person for which your well of disdain overflows. Think of the ways they have pushed your buttons.
Now, let me ask you something. Have you ever considered that that person is loved by someone else? From your perspective they can no right, but to another they see no wrong. The person that you absolutely loathe could be the person someone would die for. How can they manage to be both?
Who are you? There is the person you think you are, but how does that person differ from the person people perceive you to be? To your enemies, you are an enemy, and to your friends, you are that as well.
Who is right?
We tell ourselves that our understanding of a person is law. What we see in them must be what they are, right? #ISSALIE
Still don't believe me? Then how can a loving father be a serial killer and how can a criminal save a life?
After all, that is what they have shown us, or is it that those are solely what we choose to see? What you think you see, what you think you understand about a person is your OPINION.
Opinion
/əˈpɪnjən/
Noun: opinion;
1. A view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
HELLO, SOMEBODY!
The profiles we have formulated about the people we see and interact with is filled with our interpretations of what they have done or haven't done and our guesses on their motives. Even if they were to give us this information verbatim, do you not realize that information could also be skewed by their own misinterpretations of their own actions?
How do you think psychologists and psychiatrist make their coins? They help people unravel things about themselves that they were previously unaware of, things they did not quite understand and things that influence their action and inactions. The process can take months, dare I say years.
So, what makes us the resident authorities on the lives and actions of other people? You are unqualified to judge! We must recognize that people are every bit of who they actually are, and only a tiny bit of what we see and know about them.
Now, here is where the hill begins. I am a pot, who is shouting to the world about the blackness of the kettle, on a good day I can be very self-aware and I understand that the easiest direction to point is away from self.
But self SHOULD be our primary focus. As a people we have lost our sense of self, we have lost our values and our pride.
Take Instagram for example, (yes I will keep mentioning it because it is the cesspool of ideal examples.)
I love it, but it is exasperating. This kettle is on their on there every chance it gets, starring at the faces of strangers, longing to go to picturesque hideaways on the other side of the world.
I mindlessly scroll through and take screenshots were necessary. It is a rabbit hole of videos and posts of humans just humaning.
Then every now and then, a post comes along, something to kindle my wrath and depreciate what admiration I have left for humanity. All the while making me doubt we are creatures of a “higher intellect.”
I can’t help but think “We truly are heinous beings.” When I see the ways we attack each other every day.
Exhibit A, The comments section.
It is treacherous terrain to which I sojourn often. I have in the past found hilarious gems while other times there was only disappointment. I can never understand how people lack the concept of empathy.
They are unreasonably callous in dishing their unsolicited thoughts. When upon investigation, those same thought are just mirrors into their own unacknowledged shortcomings. Oblivious to reality, they believe their words to be covenants.
They tell you “stand out!” and “be yourself” and in the same breath they would rather have you fall in line. If you let it, the internet and people around you would dictate that you:
Be smart but not the smartest!
Be beautiful but in a relatable way!
Change but stay the same, because changing too much will cause all the problems I mention
here https://www.thefigureofspeech.com/h/amitié
Be someone I can like, but never be better than me!
Be humble, never celebrate your achievements too enthusiastically!
Never be too happy because if you are, it must be fake!
Be the way I want you to be, live by the rules I set for you, whether or not they change based on my mood.
Now someone please me what the modern slavery is going on here?
Did I miss the convention on “How NOT to keep your opinions to yourself?” If so, could someone please send me the PowerPoint?
In order to avoid critic everyone has the same personality. We document every funny, sad or dramatic moment, staging them more than once if the first time went uncaptured. All our post say “Look at me, I am one of you, but I am also superior because of my access or exposure.”
Every other page, shows the same girl/ guy doing the same things, wearing the same outfits. But when you are in your own company, what does that person look like? Do you know that person?
It is a constant fight to fit into a society that has no true identity. We show the world only the best parts of ourselves. While judging what we believe to be the worse parts of others. Striving to be like people who do not exist. People who are only perfect on paper.
It is important to recognize your talents and your value. Your talents require persistent development.
One truth about humankind is that they are trainable. They will treat you the way you allow them to. You must at some point recognize that not everyone will like you that is not what you are here to accomplish, they must however respect you.
In order to correct those who never learned to treat you respectfully you still have the option to lay your boundaries. But this is where it gets a little bit complicated, you cannot draw a line in the sand if you are uncertain about what you want.
We cannot ask from people the things we do not believe we deserve, otherwise they will not be convinced about our need to have it. To demand respect it must be done with conviction in words and in action. Sometimes the threat of leaving a toxic situation behind is not enough. Sometimes the band aid has to be ripped.
Cultivating a strong sense of self is not an overnight pursuit. It takes time and an understanding that you are your most valuable asset. The image of perfection you have held in your head cannot be achieved while being common. Common things have no place with a man who curates the valuable. That is not to say that common things have no beauty, in fact, they do, but no one ever values a thing they have easy access to.
Have you ever seen a pigeon?
It is actually a beautiful bird, often dismissed as a nuisance. Yes their appearances vary I am sure, but I am referring to the exact color combination you pictured when I asked the question.
Its neck feathers are often a complimentary blend of purple and green with a chrome like finish. The lines of light grey feathers are demarcated by an even darker set. It is beautiful in it’s own right. We rarely see the pigeon in that light, because we fail to recognize it’s niche. We do not see its usefulness or its beauty because it is simply not flamboyant enough or we have seen it too often.
This take us back to our original problem. Like moths we drawn to bright colors and fanned eccentric personalities, all so we can feel the joy we would never otherwise experience while pretending to be someone else.
Anyone with a little effort can become a public figure or an influencer. They build their lives on sinking sand hoping that they will continue to be well liked. The people who faithfully subscribe to their lives have no allegiances or if they do it is extreme and borderline cultish. Today they lawd and adore and by the afternoon you are most hated, dragged or cancelled.
Why does this happen?
Because we are sheeple!
Easily lead.
Easily controlled.
How can I insight rage? By showing people something they already knew, and when that gets old, and it will, very quickly, I’ll avert their gaze to the very next thing. It is as simple as a single context-less story, article, picture or post.
All these people, visibly distressed and angered by the things that have nothing to do with them. We keep up with the doings of others meanwhile our life falls apart in the background. In Jamaica we say “Watch people pot and fi yuh a boil ova.”
Minding your own business takes practice but it is a noble endeavor. The people we see every day whether or not they look like us, whether or not they are a part of our clichés or face the same struggles they are not extensions of us. There are ways we can be united without being the same. There are ways to be an inspiration and share advice without being tyrant.
The only lives we can live are our own, the ink and letters that fill the book of who we are will only dry when we are laid to rest. Until then, understand the difference in opinions and facts, impose not lest you be imposed upon. Take your time, find who that self is and be unabashedly that person. Never forget that the racing man will never see the scenery.
To see my other post click here https://www.thefigureofspeech.com/h/
To get some of my zen products click here https://amzn.to/2EN5utA and https://amzn.to/2UknYal
Until Next time my loves. Besos.
