To be Kept

“And sin, young man, is when you treat people like things.”

― Terry Pratchett

The points I am about to make will be rigid. I have accepted that not everyone will like them, they may even offend some. If in reading you find yourself upset, ask yourself why.

If you have read more than one of my posts, you will notice that I do not post regularly, at least not for now, I do however write whenever I am inspired to do so. My primary inspiration for this post spurs from an unlikely source- an episode of Gossip Girl.

Commence the eye rolls if you must. Never watched an episode you say, that's fine. I gotcha.

Following many scenes of pandemonium the camera finally pans to Lily, a wealthy woman, caught in a bidding war for an expensive painting. She is adamant that she wins as the most interested parties besides herself are her ex-husband and his new girlfriend. As far as Lily is concerned her ex does not have the means by which to acquire the painting nor does his girlfriend, so why were they even there?

A heated discussion ensues, and it is revealed that his girlfriend, a renowned con-woman had become wealthy overnight and was more than able to pay millions for the painting. Infuriated, Lily responds to her ex by saying the following" and in all this, you remain a kept man."

"A kept man", she says, can you imagine? Her analysis was not just brutal, it was true. How often do you see that scenario, a man who is kept?

But, What does it mean to be kept?

A simple definition is to be inaugurated into a certain standard of life in exchange for some combination of companionship or sex. Oh, the convenience! How could anything possibly go wrong?

In doing some research I see over and over how the term is arbitrarily linked to women. Then I think, how could it not be? Before Christ women were to reproduce, care for the household and the family. The men were the breadwinners, therefore, women untie approximately the '60s were primarily kept.

The world has changed so much since then as we align ourselves with the #GirlBoss movement.

Of course, society still has leaps and bounds to make in terms of equal rights and pay but at least women are not prevented from working.

There are women that have decided that they would rather not engage and that is ok. This is their prerogative. Homemakers are not uncommon, they ensure the smooth running of their households while they nurture their children-a tedious job on its own. Still, some run at home businesses to fill the financial gaps their family may face or just to satisfy themselves in knowing their partners are not the only source of income. Then there are those women, (cue the ominous music), taught through generations to just be and take. Their pursuit of vanity is paramount, they are masters at their trade. Without effort, their financial needs are met and their list of wants as frivolous as they maybe are taken care of as well. Again, their prerogative. * sips tea* EVEN this extreme, though frowned upon, is expected to exist, because what boosts a man's ego more than a woman that claims she needs him. Women who are "too independent", women who ask for nothing but loyalty, honest, time and love are not as attractive to today's society. Boys ask themselves, "How can I love her if she doesn't need any material thing from me?" A question only a boy would ask, clearly the answer a man already knows. It just means you have to make a little more effort, young grasshopper. Anyhow, let's circle back. "A kept man" The thought makes me uncomfortable. Come to think of it, I knew a guy once that fantasized about life as a stay at home dad. At the time of the conversation, he was a single, childless, male individual with dreams of becoming a stay at home father. Now, usually, when a father decides to stay at home it is an arrangement he has made with his spouse based on what their family's needs are. Rarely ever is it someone's sole ambition or endgame. I had never heard him say he wanted to be anything else, nor had I seen him make any real plans for his future. This was what he really wanted. This is not to say that all men should be hyper-masculine fountains of testosterone but I know many a man that would never consider this let alone mention it so openly and confidently. My question is, what woman? Which woman today is going to fulfill this dream of his? People say "there is someone for everyone". Who knows, maybe there is a woman out there for him that is more than willing to go out and make that bread while he stays home and does the whole wheat version. What happens if he doesn't have children, what will happen to the father part of the plan? Then he will be just a jobless stay at home man. I am very aware that situations vary and people make decisions based on what is best for them, as it should be. But am I biased in thinking that a partnership should include equal effort? Yes, This world is imperfect and as such finances may never be equal, however, effort should. In my generation, I have seen men sit back and be taken care of while their significant others struggle at a 9-5. For years, they make promises of future imaginary income. Making no solid steps to ensure the family's financial security. (Acrimony all over again.) They are treated to a place to live, gifts, vacations, fine dining and adventures from the earnings of their spouse. "No one is hiring" or "the positions being offered are not a good fit for me," they say. Well, guess what....homelessness may be the perfect fit for you if you don't get your act right. These men are comfortable. They are happy. They boast to their friends and are applauded. All the while that women suffer from a unique cocktail or embarrassment and exhaustion. When there is nothing left to give and she has been broken. When she runs out of lies and excuses to tell those that constantly enquire. When she alienates her friends and family because of it. When resentment festers and the relationship ends, they walk away to claim another unsuspecting victim. When did the male ego stop becoming a thing? I would have appreciated it more had I known that men with a healthy ego would become extinct. When did men stop teaching their sons that this "ain't it."? I can already feel it. Someone is going to ask. "Are you saying it is ok when women do that to men?" Obviously, not! I do not have to be reminded that there are women living in dire situations, who believe their only reprieve is found in the use of men. They concoct delusional schemes which usually leave them worse off. In addition to those cases, I have witnessed women without need that have engaged in the above and have paid for it with their lives. I am not quite sure people understand the risks and rules involved in playing a game like this. You may hold the blade today but tomorrow the blood on your hands may bee your own. Consider these scenarios, both involve two people, a man, and a woman. In the first, the woman is the financial benefactor. Both parties have their conditions for being in the arrangement. The lines in the sand are clear. No money, no goods. It is as simple as sales. If either party decides the relationship no longer suits them, they are free to leave without complication. The second scenario also involves a man and a woman. The man believes he is in a loving relationship and so he provides for this woman on the premise that he loves her. The woman, however, is here for a good time, not a long time. She is the only one aware of that fact. Of these two, which will most likely end in disaster? So here's the breakdown, women are far more long-suffering, therefore, they will put up with too much for too long. Men rarely do, they handle being used very poorly. Likewise, they are quick to repossess all the benefits that once flowed freely just as soon as they are no longer pleased or entertained. Wealthy men who do this often, mold women in their purview into hollow shells, keeping them in line with rules and stern reminders that they have been bought and should act accordingly, lest the lavish lifestyle they crave be swiped away. I have lived long enough to see some things. I have met people who have experienced unfortunate circumstances and some levels of childhood trauma. Through those struggles, they learned that affection should or can be purchased. This is the only way they know how to connect with others. When this view on life begins to filter into adulthood, it really begins to become a problem. Mind you, it is not your responsibility to fix these people. That burden is their own. If you give them the opportunity to use you they almost always will. Many parents unknowingly commit a great atrocity when they gift their children as alternatives to caring for and loving them. These children grow up into adults with almost non-existent levels of emotional intelligence. They go through their lives hurting people and give gifts to offset the pain. Some of these broken adults say "They hurt me but....look what they did for me or got me" or they make excuses about why they are the way they are. Some become professionals at making you feel as though another chance to hurt you is warranted. There will always be keepers and those who want to be kept, but here is the kick in the ass you need. If you are a keeper and it behooves you to take care of a capable individual without personal strain, who am I to advise you otherwise? If being kept is the pinnacle of your existence and you do so knowing the strife it causes the other parties involved may your burdens multiply and may your heart grow heavy. Too often we condone these habits in the people we claim to love because we are either not directly affected by it or we are benefitting from it as well. Do you know how many mothers send their teenagers off to be with older men and women, in order to negate their parental responsibilities? The number would surprise you. It seems like such a foreign thing but I assure you that it happens in our western societies. You may turn your nose up at the notion but if you decide to live your life as a kept man or woman should others not turn their noses up at you as well? How could a mother do that to her child you may say? Well, being kept in a way that causes pain to your keeper is just as bad in my opinion. You are better than the phone call you make every month to get those bills paid. You are better than buying affection. I am sorry that I cannot mince words and if by the end of this you find them disconcerting, I advise you re-evaluate. I will always find a way to push the people that read this blog. I will never stop showing people ways to become better versions of themselves and I make no promises to coddle while I do so. Just know it's all love. Until next time, Besos.